5. Starting a Charity : The Birth of Trauma Informed Parenting
“Let’s set up a charity.” I’m not sure if it was supposed to be a joke when Steven said these words, but it didn’t seem like the worst idea. “I’m sure you will be able to get funding,” he said. How do you even start a charity? Did it cost money? Did you have to have experience in charities? Lots of other people had done it. How hard could it be? Off I went down a wormhole, looking for information. There was so much to learn, so many people to talk to, but where to start? Steven knew a few people through his networking group and got me the names of some organizations. Firstport was really helpful. They helped me understand that it wasn’t as simple as just starting a charity. There were many different kinds of charities and social enterprises, and it depended on the work of the organization to determine what might suit best.
I had many meetings with many people. Our local voluntary action group gave me tons of information—too much for my brain to process. At this point, all I knew was that I needed at least three trustees, and I had to write a constitution. They gave me a template document to use and told me to apply to OSCR for charity status. At this point, I decided to set up a Facebook group and called it *Trauma Informed Parenting*. The plan was that it would give the organization a presence, and we could document the journey of becoming a charity while sharing the occasional helpful post.
Three trustees. Where to start? Who would even be interested? I put out a post on the group and my own social media. No one responded. I asked a few people I thought might be keen. They politely declined. I thought that if Steven and I could be trustees, then we would only need one more. It needed to be someone I knew, liked, and trusted. One person who fit that perfectly and had some amazing skills to boot was my childhood friend Pamela—my rock, my bestie. But was this too much to ask of her? Would it stretch our friendship too far? When I messaged her to ask, I gave her so many ways to say no. The message would have started with “Feel free to say no,” and I’m sure there were a few “Absolutely no pressure” and “I will totally understand if you don’t want to” thrown in. But her prompt reply consolidated my already undying love. She had written words like “I would be honored” and “delighted to support you.” I was euphoric. Boy, had I lucked out having her in my corner. Her belief in me felt like a huge endorsement.
So we had three. I went on to OSCR, the Scottish charity regulator, and in July 2019, just 10 months after attending the ACE Aware Nation event, I sent in an application to set up a charity called *Trauma Informed Parenting*.
But it was no small task. It turned out that if I wanted to become an employee of the charity eventually, I couldn’t be a trustee. I wasn’t happy. This was my baby. I didn’t want to give up control of it, but there was no way around it. I had to find another trustee to step in. Back to the drawing board. I roped in another of my good friends, Julie. She and her husband had been foster carers before us. It was seeing them go through the process that had given us the confidence to do it. She was a perfect fit, although she didn’t think she was and couldn’t see how much wonderful experience she could bring to the role. More as a favor to me, she kindly agreed. At a night out with my neighbors, over a few drinks, Barbara, who was an accountant, made the mistake of offering her services to help if I needed them. She didn’t need to ask twice. I was thrilled.
In the meantime, I had decided to offer a free workshop in Glasgow. I needed to see if there was even an appetite for this. We knew of a lovely office space we could hire that was central and not too expensive. In August 2019, I offered our first official *Trauma Informed Parenting* workshop. I shared it on as many Facebook group pages as I could find. Posts about what I was doing and signing people up to the event. I was surprised at the interest. Twenty people signed up to come. Ten came on the day. The feedback blew me away. We continued to host one each month. September’s workshop was just as busy, and so was October’s. I’m still in contact with many of the people who attended those early events. Some have become trustees. The content changed and grew as we took the feedback on board. We were asked to deliver workshops for a few organizations. All of this was for free, and in fact, at my own expense, but the hope was that eventually, if people heard about the workshops, we might be able to sell tickets or secure funding.
Pamela arranged a meeting with us both and her wonderfully eccentric Auntie Grace, who had lots of experience in charities. She gave me a wealth of information and equally terrified me with all the questions I would need to answer. The info and grilling she gave me that day unknowingly provided me with the education required to continue on this journey. I am forever grateful for this turning point that meeting provided.
We were corresponding with OSCR, answering all of the many questions about the organization we were building. We had opted to become a SCIO charity. We had to decide on what our charitable purpose should be, . This process of back-and-forth with OSCR took months and months. But finally we agreed that Trauma Informed Parentings purposes would be: (j) The advancement of human rights conflict resolution and reconciliation -to promote repair and connection in relationships and reduce the fight and flight response in previously reactive children. To teach parents to de-escalate potentially explosive interactions. (n)The relief of those in need-to support placements in crisis and prevent families breaking down. To support parents to better support children suffering from trauma. To build a safe and loving environment for traumatized children to learn to heal. It took so long. so many emails back and forth with OSCR, question after question, I had to provide so much evidence, at times I wondered if it was even worth it and came close to giving up. But on January 29th, 2020, Pamela sent me a message congratulating me. I didn’t know what for, but we had both received an email with our charity number, telling us *Trauma Informed Parenting* was officially a charity.
By February 2020, we were offering a monthly workshop, and a few people were buying tickets—foster carers, parents, nursery staff, support workers. These groups were small, sometimes only 3 or 4 people, but they grew. By March, we had groups of 10, and a fostering agency had booked three workshops across Scotland. Things were getting exciting.
But by the time we delivered the March workshops, something a bit scary was hitting the news. People were canceling their tickets and not turning up. The fostering agency called to say that in the current situation, they didn’t feel it was safe to hold these events. Of course, I understood, but I couldn’t believe what was happening. All of the momentum we had built was lost.
The world was going into lockdown.
