Choose Love in moments of tension
While on holiday this week in Tenerife, we were waiting at a taxi rank. It was a hot day and late in the afternoon. The line was long, and no taxis were in sight. When one did finally come along, an elderly man with two walking sticks stepped forward. At the same time, so did a younger man. An argument started. The elderly man claimed he was there first, while the younger man and his wife argued that they had actually been waiting when the elderly man came along and sat in the shelter at the front of the queue. The argument continued, and the taxi driver drove off without taking any passengers, leaving both men, and everyone in the line, irritated.
I could feel my own stress rise. My autistic daughter can become very upset by this kind of thing, and I wondered if we should walk away and come back later. The tit-for-tat argument went on, with the older man stating that people had no respect for the elderly nowadays, and the young man pointing out that he had a young baby with him that was a priority. He shouted, “What is your problem, anyway?” Each man had been escalated the situation further.
I was at the stage of getting ready to leave when I heard the older man shout, “I’m hot and I’m tired, and I just want to get home.” This was so interesting to me. This was vulnerability. The younger man, slightly less aggressive now, said, “Well, so are we, especially my baby.” There was a moment of silence. We all waited for the taxis. The older man spoke up again, but this time he apologized to the younger man. “I’m sorry, I was out of order,” he said. The younger man, still irritated, nodded and held his hand up grudgingly, as if to say it’s okay. There were a few apologies muttered as the taxis arrived, and all was well. Everyone was tired, hot, and grumpy. Windows of tolerance were exceeded, and in situations like these, sometimes humans have bad days.
Repairs can be made in some of the hardest moments when one of us can just own our own stress and be a little vulnerable. It’s contagious. The more we learn about the trauma lens and start to see the fear, the more we see it everywhere, in every micro-moment and interaction.
In the worlds of Bryan Post- In any given situation , we can ‘Choose Love.’
Read about our journey with our Deaf child-Silent Struggles